It seems like at some point I became a new person. At age 23 I got into a car accident. Me against a tree. Well, the tree won that fight. Later, at age 26 I needed an uber from the Greyhound station and the driver asked my age, I told him. He responded, “people change at 26”. During that time, I didn’t realize how true that was. I mean as far as living life, I knew how to do that. Due to being an early 90’s baby we lived a full life worth of experiences before reaching adulthood. My first time riding the train alone I was around age 10.
So, I don’t mean change as in taking care of yourself. I mean change as in knowing who you are and what you stand for. It is almost like for me that was the beginning of the mindset I have now. I was so air headed before the car accident that sometimes I honestly wonder is life real post car accident. Not to toot my own horn but I know that in many ways I am kinda intelligent. Not saying I am not still air-headed in some ways. Though I am saying I am intelligent in ways. Which honestly shouldn’t be possible for the level of air-headedness I once held.
Lost In The Sauce
It is like the car accident, or something, connected my mind to my spirit. My mind was floating all by itself before that. Before that time, most things about the people around me I just didn’t notice at all. As far as how they might be feeling or cues that they give off. It was basically a 24/7 vibe of speak now or forever hold your peace. Guessing was not on my agenda. It was kind of a blessing. My mind, although filled with air, was mine and mine alone. Now I have to share it in some ways with my spirit and all of its requirements.
The saying “ignorance is bliss” is true. What you don’t know can hurt you, but you don’t feel it the same as when you know. Literally some terrible things would happen to me back in the day and I would just be going along with life not realizing how bad things were. For example, head busted wide open and I’m just like where to next. You would think I was on drugs due to the level of being unaffected by real life hardships.
When Exactly Did I Become Me
Although, at age 21 I moved to Texas because I wanted to change my life and develop my relationship with the Most High. So, I guess deep down it was there, but it was in an area of my heart that was rarely reachable at that time. Though, certain things I have never liked. Even as a child I wanted to see the downtrodden win. It has always been kind of hard for me in arguments because you could say the worst thing to me and I would know how to hit you where it hurts. However, I never could bring myself to cutting deep. I still can’t.
At the magical age of 26 I finally started to see the world and myself in the mirror. Or maybe it was 25, not sure. Though the uber ride was at 26 I was already changing in ways a little time before. Now the question I am left with is what triggers your spirit to wake you up. I mean of course I know the Most High, but what makes him decide it is time. There was a time when large portions of the population didn’t know how much planning went into keeping people under an illusion. Though the times are similar today where we know so much and nothing at the same time.
Hate Is Not The Way
I believe we are going into more hateful times in the world. People are being told to be hateful when hate is like a burning fire. It is never a good route for any of us to take. Hate consumes. Hate also must feed. Directions to hate others is one of the worst services that has been done to the minds and most of all the spirits of the people. I know what it feels like to hate someone. Whether it’s from hurt or whatever reason. During that time in my life the hate consumed me. I was set on revenge.
I tell the story a lot of the ex who probably named me Chucky. Let me just add I was heartbroken and too young to think I was in love. It is the common story of the younger chick the older chick and income tax checks. That was the day when he was suddenly in a whole committed relationship with the girl who I thought was the wife of his friend. I was even hanging out over there on a regular basis. It was too much hurt on my young heart. The husband also got kicked to the curb. So, I wasn’t the only one blind sighted.
Don’t take this literal, but I was declared mentally insane for a short period afterwards. Although in some ways it was a joke to him. By me hating him he was in control of my day-to-day emotions. Not that he wanted to be. After escaping the hate, I realized how much I hurt myself during that time. Now back to today’s me. I am different. Which seems so unbelievable to me considering where I came from.
I Know There Is More
I can’t help but think about the spiritual realm. Although I have never seen a spirit before. There is something about a dream that lets you know that we are spiritual beings. It is like a doorway to the magic inside of us. We literally have whole movies play out in full HD while we are sleeping.
Our dreams were the first tv screens. It is a connection to a place further than our physical body. Even though most dreams are based on things in our life it is still like going into a place that belongs to the spirit. I wonder about everything since my spirit and mind became one with common goals. Most of all, I wonder if any of it is real.
