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Category: Creative nonfiction

Filling Holes In Vacant Lots

Eventually it always goes back to wanting to achieve in areas of your life that were too complicated in the past, I call it, “filling holes in vacant lots.” It is the constant digging of the hole we are so desperately trying to fill. It is one thing to know there is a level of greatness within you that is undiluted in its value but another thing to feel like the building of your temple is complete. Is it really ever complete? Is the home that lives and thrives inside of you ever designed so perfectly that no additions are yearned for?

Something More

For me there will always be something that makes me want to write my name on it. Something uninhabited that can be built from the ground up giving a feeling of filling holes in vacant lots. It is just the feeling of overcoming. So, I can never stop digging holes or should I say tunnels that fuel me. I like to make sure that the holes I dig are filled with the spirit of an overcomer.

I remember when that ground was bare. Now it has beautiful fruit trees and waterfalls. Now there are ballrooms and laughter. Now it is an ocean in which I surf the waters like a pro. Though there is always more to do, now isn’t there? It is about the feeling for me. Not the power, but it is such a powerful feeling you feel when working to overcome your own doubts and wants.

Complete Fragment

I understand that I am such a fragmented person although I am never truly broken. In the fragments I see possibilities of something beautiful. Once I see it, I want it. Discovery of “who I can be, for me” is what I am really digging and filling for. I try my best never to leave an empty hole. I know that something belongs there. A purpose.

It is funny because my heart refuses to write a complete sentence. Is the longing of the heart ever really complete? The answer is never complete because of the missing piece. Isn’t there always a missing piece at least more times than not? Which is why there will always be a vacant lot that needs filling. With so many empty lots there is never a reason to write my name on a hole that has already been dug and filled with another’s inspirations which inspired me to want to achieve. I can only and would only want to be an addition to a masterpiece.

Through The Mist Is Greatness

Believing that any concept is simply black or white is one of the biggest fabrications imagined. Believing that gray or grey can’t be defined is also a fabrication. Grey and Gray wishes to tell the whole story, whilst black and white wishes to convict, primarily convict the innocent. Why else would you accuse someone of stepping on your shoe and leave out the part of you forcing them to hop on one leg.

Achieving Overcoming

I think, what does this have to do with achieving, digging and filling yourself with the spirit of being an overcomer? Everything. No achievement comes without you fighting and grinding for it. The spirit of fear, anger, unbelief, jealousy will never welcome the spirit of overcoming. Overcoming is an independent journey within that can be journeyed together but cannot be carried. Overcoming produces and reproduces hope.

The panic and appreciation of hopes habitation is my validation and there is just something so powerful about a silent standing ovation. It means that everyone knows that you are more than just another rotation. You are more than your situation. There is no reason to be loud when you are the vibrant vibration.

May 7, 2026
Pinpoints

“Pinpoints are important to create clear directions”, is what Jada’s grandpa would tell her and her younger sister ‘Gail’. It is only the three of them since their father passed away 5 years ago. While their mother passed away during the childbirth of Gail. With the greatest of efforts, Grandpa Earl has tried to raise Jada and Gail into respectable women. Whilst teaching them the value of family.

Once every year Grandpa Earl would tell the girls to choose a place in the world in which they would like to visit. On even years Gail would choose, and odd years are Jada’s choice. Gail had many things she wanted to do each time it was her choice. Therefore, Grandpa Earl made an exception for her. The terms were as long as everything she wanted to do could be done during his two-week vacation from work he could make adjustments for Gail. “Boy did he not understand the level of his commitment.”

What’s Important

Gail would make all the places she wanted to go within driving distance of our home so that she could do more things. In her mind more places equaled more value to her experience. Although they would visit so many places during Gail’s choices it eventually started to feel stagnant. It seemed that everything on the map was Gail’s priority so it started to feel like nothing at all.

She chose all of the pinpoints in driving distance as her chance to see the world. Which made it impossible for her to truly see which places would mean something to her. Seeing everything sometimes means to see nothing. While seeing what’s important becomes everything. With Jada being quite the opposite. Her choice would usually be one small dot Countries away.

While in travel to the place that is just a small dot but so far away, they would pass by all of the places Gail would usually choose over and over again before reaching Jada’s destination. Although they passed all of these places, they never stopped or else they would never make it to the place Jada truly wanted to go. In Jada’s mind, stopping at every pinpoint makes one lose track of the destination of a heart’s desire.

If she has to stop to use the restroom or eat, she does. She is not illogical to survival is 24/7 in the land of the living. Though she never books a hotel until she has arrived at her destination.

November 25, 2025
Journey With Me As I Write The Worlds Longest Poem

Life is but a moment. Smiling and dancing, crying and panicking. Wondering where to next? Will it finally be success or just another vex. Moments on top of hours. Hours on top of days with days on top of weeks, on top of months, on top of years, over decades, over centuries. Continuing moments of everything a person can feel. History repeats over and over… Spirits retreat or cause deceit.

Constantly besieged by choices of happiness or beliefs. We choose because of the complications of having both is too heavy a burden for our moments to defeat. The act of balancing becomes a task. The one who balances becomes an ask. Is it a mask? How does one think so fast? Stop telling me how to bask in a moment when life as we know it wears many motions, being vast.

With mutual respect please don’t tell me how to act. Don’t tell me how far to let my seat back. A question every man must ask is “who really has my back?” So many moments, so many questions binding humankind in thoughts but pausing at the thought to relax. How do I react to a smile or frown, hi or bye. Give or take. Love or leave. Grieving the need and needing to breathe.

To survive comes down to needing to relieve. Needing to release. Needing peace. Needing to eat and repeat. Hating and loving the instinct to need another human. Needing to love and be loved. Needing to hate and be hated. Needing another to be born. Needing another to be mourned. A moment. Ever changing chains and shame and somehow through the pain we find joy in a moment.

We must choose the moments to hold dear in our thoughts the choice is moments of pain or love. I choose the power of love bringing joy to any circumstance. When we all huddle in one room because we must but also love too. Making something out of nothing. Overjoyed by the simple things. Excited to tell the story of my latest adventures to my brother and cousins because they understood the me inside of me. A moment.

The next moment to remember is followed by sadness because moments change. Ever changing moments. Within memory lane are many moments, joy, smiles, feeling of being on top of the world, regret, sadness, pain… repeat. The best and the worse thing about a moment is they all end and begin. Moments transcend into friends and trends making history, moments lend.

With the eye of every beholder being pinched. The eyes see and the heart bends. The heart blinds even the wisest men and a new moment begins. Just another day of sin. Lying to ourselves, making our wrongs right by reminding ourselves ‘all that matters is a win’. Hoping that with time broken bones will mend or forget. All out of options we pretend. Trying to fake it until we make it to the moment in time we yearned for only to have our call answered and it begins again wanting more. Moments.

Changing but inescapable in life and death continuing are moments. It becomes the digging of the earth that never ends no matter the discoveries. We dig shovels through trees in desperation to achieve, telling ourselves, asking ourselves, what’s in it for me? We bleed and conceive taking and bringing life with the consideration of a single leaf.

After so many moments the hardest instinct in mankind’s fight is a selfish need. In overcoming we try and in the moments of unity we bring about world peace. The most inspiring moment indeed. This is the moment when we beat our own built-in beast. When we entwine. When we balance. When we ask? When we tap into untapped will in every man’s feet. When we finally remove rose colored lens, we meet the truth hidden in a gray speech. A moment we call deep.

We learn, teach, reach, and repeat. To be quiet is 2 in 1 working together or separate. The silence is either our strengths or what makes us weak. Every moment being both good and evil due to the needs of evil. When the ink dries it is the things we lust of in which we believe.

In our moments to read in the truth we don’t take heed. Deep down what is believed is greed. Not only the lust of another’s being but every evil is a bottomless pit that must feed. In this moment this thought I must release in an effort to increase a moment of peace in my pen I look to the sky and down to the grass to grip a moment of ease.

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July 31, 2025
Now vs Then

It seems like at some point I became a new person. At age 23 I got into a car accident. Me against a tree. Well, the tree won that fight. Later, at age 26 I needed an uber from the Greyhound station and the driver asked my age, I told him. He responded, “people change at 26”. During that time, I didn’t realize how true that was. I mean as far as living life, I knew how to do that. Due to being an early 90’s baby we lived a full life worth of experiences before reaching adulthood. My first time riding the train alone I was around age 10.

So, I don’t mean change as in taking care of yourself. I mean change as in knowing who you are and what you stand for. It is almost like for me that was the beginning of the mindset I have now. I was so air headed before the car accident that sometimes I honestly wonder is life real post car accident. Not to toot my own horn but I know that in many ways I am kinda intelligent. Not saying I am not still air-headed in some ways. Though I am saying I am intelligent in ways. Which honestly shouldn’t be possible for the level of air-headedness I once held.

Lost In The Sauce

It is like the car accident, or something, connected my mind to my spirit. My mind was floating all by itself before that. Before that time, most things about the people around me I just didn’t notice at all. As far as how they might be feeling or cues that they give off. It was basically a 24/7 vibe of speak now or forever hold your peace. Guessing was not on my agenda. It was kind of a blessing. My mind, although filled with air, was mine and mine alone. Now I have to share it in some ways with my spirit and all of its requirements.

The saying “ignorance is bliss” is true. What you don’t know can hurt you, but you don’t feel it the same as when you know. Literally some terrible things would happen to me back in the day and I would just be going along with life not realizing how bad things were. For example, head busted wide open and I’m just like where to next. You would think I was on drugs due to the level of being unaffected by real life hardships.

When Exactly Did I Become Me

Although, at age 21 I moved to Texas because I wanted to change my life and develop my relationship with the Most High. So, I guess deep down it was there, but it was in an area of my heart that was rarely reachable at that time. Though, certain things I have never liked. Even as a child I wanted to see the downtrodden win. It has always been kind of hard for me in arguments because you could say the worst thing to me and I would know how to hit you where it hurts. However, I never could bring myself to cutting deep. I still can’t.

At the magical age of 26 I finally started to see the world and myself in the mirror. Or maybe it was 25, not sure. Though the uber ride was at 26 I was already changing in ways a little time before. Now the question I am left with is what triggers your spirit to wake you up. I mean of course I know the Most High, but what makes him decide it is time. There was a time when large portions of the population didn’t know how much planning went into keeping people under an illusion. Though the times are similar today where we know so much and nothing at the same time.

Hate Is Not The Way

I believe we are going into more hateful times in the world. People are being told to be hateful when hate is like a burning fire. It is never a good route for any of us to take. Hate consumes. Hate also must feed. Directions to hate others is one of the worst services that has been done to the minds and most of all the spirits of the people. I know what it feels like to hate someone. Whether it’s from hurt or whatever reason. During that time in my life the hate consumed me. I was set on revenge.

I tell the story a lot of the ex who probably named me Chucky. Let me just add I was heartbroken and too young to think I was in love. It is the common story of the younger chick the older chick and income tax checks. That was the day when he was suddenly in a whole committed relationship with the girl who I thought was the wife of his friend. I was even hanging out over there on a regular basis. It was too much hurt on my young heart. The husband also got kicked to the curb. So, I wasn’t the only one blind sighted.

Don’t take this literal, but I was declared mentally insane for a short period afterwards. Although in some ways it was a joke to him. By me hating him he was in control of my day-to-day emotions. Not that he wanted to be. After escaping the hate, I realized how much I hurt myself during that time. Now back to today’s me. I am different. Which seems so unbelievable to me considering where I came from.

I Know There Is More

I can’t help but think about the spiritual realm. Although I have never seen a spirit before. There is something about a dream that lets you know that we are spiritual beings. It is like a doorway to the magic inside of us. We literally have whole movies play out in full HD while we are sleeping.

Our dreams were the first tv screens. It is a connection to a place further than our physical body. Even though most dreams are based on things in our life it is still like going into a place that belongs to the spirit. I wonder about everything since my spirit and mind became one with common goals. Most of all, I wonder if any of it is real.

July 21, 2025
Letter To Myself

Today is July 16, 2025. This is a letter to Wyshandra Glaze from Wyshandra Glaze. Where do I even start when talking to you. I see you as an amazing person. Although I wonder sometimes if the world we live in is real. There is so much hate in this world and so many excuses for hate. Me and you both know this has always been the case since human existence. I just want to tell you that you have permission to pick yourself up.

You are such a caring person sometimes that you forget that if your moments of laughter and joy make someone sad, there is nothing you can do about it. You are a thoughtful person so if anybody decides to hate you that would be the case no matter what you do or don’t do. It is time to accept that yes you were given great talent in writing but never allow anyone to make the things that are forced on you into your responsibility to carry.

Permission To Cope

If you never discovered your talents these many terrible things were already happening to you years before you wrote a single word. No one saw you coming. Not even you. Probably even saw it as some type of joke. Some still claim it’s a joke but me and you know what’s up. Through all of this you never changed, and you fight every day to give yourself permission to heal. So what if people claim that you are acting like a victim. Not a single person has ever saved you from anything. All of your life you picked you up.

If taking care of your mental health bothers someone, maybe they should start doing the same. Keep screaming how you feel. It is good for you. At least, you are not a bully. The things on your mind are conversations about stopping hate in the world. All of them. Even the painful ones when a day’s worth of hate in the cards you were dealt with is overwhelming. Even when you snap, the message is the same. Stop the hate. Therefore, if asking to stop the hate is the problem in this world then I can, you can, accept that we will never fit in here.

Joy From Joy

You are, I am, fine with living a life with my morals intact. Although I am not the moral guide I try to do my part in doing right by the next person. I am only a person who can admit that something is terribly wrong. With that I will continue to comfort myself. I will continue to sing the songs I love. It is not your fault if someone who is not even in your thought process finds a way to make your every action about them. You know that you are way past certain things. So when you laugh you know that it is about your joy that you feel inside.

When you sing Mary J Blige or Monica you know that those songs do something to your soul that is healing and has nothing to do with anybody else. My joy does not come from hate or hating. Moreover, cry whenever you want to. Your time to be sad is for you. If someone uses your hurt as their pain reliever, it is not on you to stop crying. It is on them to find a real source of comfort that also allows them to cope with their own issues. Also, if you need to turn your back on the world that turned its back on you long ago, at least you are not participating in hurting others.

A Time To Only Focus On My Mirror

It is okay to say this season I will focus on me. This time I don’t have any input about the latest world tragedy. Talking about it is not a crown to say you are such a great person. There is nothing I can do right now. I am barely able to support me. You know that if you had the means to actually help people you would. Can the criticizers say the same? Or do they just like to talk about it and claim they are good people. Someone should definitely talk about it and trust me there will never be a shortage in world tragedies receiving news coverage.

Therefore, who does a person think they are to be mad at you because you don’t want to know about how many people passed away today. Maybe that is too much bad news for you to handle right now and that is okay. So, I don’t have to know about what is happening in the world when I have no ability to help right now. Also, it is like people want you to ignore the fact that a lot of hate you received came from all races of people including people who look like you, even family.

Once This Happened

People that I haven’t talked to in so long popped back into my life just to receive a pat on the back for their ability to hurt me. Even a person in prison was recruited. Therefore, I don’t need any more evidence to know that I am on the right side of things. Now Wyshandra it was nice talking to you but a message for the people who also want to see less hate in the world. Keep smiling. Don’t ever feel like you have to walk around frowning to protect someone else’s feelings. Let that laugh you feel inside spill over. Your joy comes from joy, not hate. It is so different.

Give Yourself Permission

Anybody can get there but the first step for everyone is to give yourself permission. Permission to be happy for people. Permission to own your own happiness. You just have to keep telling yourself the truth. If you struggle with taking on other people’s negative emotions then remember to remind yourself of the real reason you were smiling to begin with. Remember to remind yourself that you are happy because that is what you feel in the moment. You cannot control if someone takes your smile or your wins in life as if you are somehow thinking in a negative narrative about them.

If you struggle with the opposite such as, feeling offended because someone you are at odds with or just someone in general is having a good day. Give yourself permission to be happy that something good happened for someone else. Remember that their happiness takes nothing from yours. If you allow the good in another person’s life to hurt you, you will miss out on truly enjoying all of your own amazing moments. I know you have many and if not start today. Go and make your great moments about you. You have permission to smile too.

July 16, 2025
Langston Hughes

Today I read poems from Langston Hughes. He seemed like a man who thought a lot. His every journey from a night on the town to his woman of interest, he wrote into a poem. Even his trials of being African American and the struggles he endured. I like reading and hearing from writers and artists from the past because they didn’t hide their feelings. Langston Hughes wrote real vulnerabilities in his poetry. Things that real life people suffer with every day. They remind me that tears are not taboo. Reading his poetry brings me back to reality.

Many trials have been overcome, and many trials have been lost. I am always rooting for the downtrodden and wanting something good to finally come into their life. It seems that at one point Langston was downtrodden. Now today he is Langston Hughes. I bet he never thought there would be a day when his name alone is the Trophy. He traveled a lot, seeing the world from many different angles. He saw the people that were unseen in society, and he wrote from a distant point of view but like it was the person’s own feelings. He wrote about the rich in society the same.

The Eyes of A Deep Soul

After reading some of his poetry I look at the cover of his book and in his eyes I see a man with a deep soul. He looks real in the eyes. You can see pain but not in a bad way. He seems like he knows that life comes with pain. You see strength. Like a man who will never give up. There is also a mystery that drives his curiosity of the world and people. Langston Hughes also seems to be a realist in a way. Not to driven in fantasies.

This is all just me trying to understand this great poet. With that, I am not an expert or even trained in understanding the human mind. Pushing myself to understand another human from the little they willingly share with me helps me to understand humanity in a unbiased way. If I can understand a person from the little I learn, I can understand the complexities of humanity.

When I look into his eyes, I also see a dark side. A dark side does not always mean evil. In this case I don’t mean evil only a dark side. In addition, he seems like a sensitive man. Being able to feel and connect with all things in his path. There is something about the eyes and a voice of a person that intrigues me. It is so intimate to me in a non-sexual way that I can barely look people in the eyes. It is intense at times. Though it is sometimes easy. Most times it has nothing to do with the other person whether it is easy or not. Langston has special eyes. They tell a story.

June 27, 2025
Four Walls

What does four walls mean is the question I stumbled across in my mind today. My first thought is a cage, but we all enjoy the comfort of four walls from time to time. Some
would even consider four walls freedom. A space to let down your hair. To undress from a long day. So, one could say four walls is privacy, and protection from judgement.
Moreover, the four walls you dwell in mean something no matter where they are.

We decorate our four walls, painting who we are within them. These walls are more than
privacy, but also a friend that listens to our needs and desires. The color of the wall has to be a color that interacts with inner being as comfort. Neutral is always a good color.
Neutral blues, greens, etc. The reason why I believe neutral is chosen so often is because as people we change so often. Therefore, needing the base of our canvas to
be neutral to change with us.

Remembering Purpose

While our style of painting and artwork may be bold many times. They change and grow with who we become. Even our furniture must fit within our four walls. Nevertheless, even the four walls you choose can become suffocating. Just as thinking too much can become suffocating. Which is why as much as we love our four
walls we love the door built within just as much. You have to step away from the things you love from time to time to appreciate them.

When you first walk into your home is
when you get a full glimpse and feel of the vibe within. If you never leave you can forget or abandon the canvas you are painting. Or sometimes you just need to pour into your decor the things about you that have changed over time. If you could visit your childhood room it would probably be plastered with your favorite childhood superhero. Maybe that is not who you are anymore. Or maybe it is but an upgraded version. Things could lose meaning when you no
longer see the purpose. If there is no meaning your four walls are left unprotected while still having to protect you from the outside world. Your four walls become an army with
no morals. The four walls we live within are not only a warm place to use the heat, but a place to keep our humanity, to inspire us.

Without our humanity we become a preset
check list that does not edit or grow. We need our four walls to be alive to feed our intuition, our hopes, dreams, and love. They don’t live because of how well they’re
decorated they live because you decorated them and gave your mind and heart what was needed to remember them. Some people live in cars, Rv’s, even tents and you can
still feel the inspiration of who they are within. Your four walls are whatever you allow them to be. Your four walls are within you.

June 13, 2025
The Real World

If I May Speak

Today is another day in the real world. Sitting here today as a struggling writer, broke and still writing, I ponder on many things. I am sometimes so courageous in many ways but have allowed the rejections of the world to stop me from making my art into my career. Many people will never speak of this topic, because it is not easy for those of us who speak freely. In this world the hatred is like a fire. Nonetheless, everyone understands that you are expected to respect other people in society. What if I told you there is an underground world that is right in your face where hatred can burn freely.

The Two Worlds

The truth is if given the option there are many people who don’t want to respect others in society. In this underground world that I speak of there is no humanity. Writers, bloggers, even everyday people that practice freedom of expression are the victims of this underground world. This world is the real world, but so is the other on another side. People are recruited and told that their job is to make your life difficult. Truth be told there is no escaping this hate, it pursues you relentlessly. The only way out is in which is not out.

Limited Options

You are either the hater or the hated in this underground world that is very real. In my case, I am the hated. The reason why I guess I don’t try as much to make my art, which I believe is good art into a career is because this underground world that I speak of has powerful players that have made things hard for me. I am only one person. I am no match to this type of ridicule. So, subconsciously I figured why try. Now I think why not try.

Balancing Pride

Either way, whether I advance or not, if not, I am already not prospering from my work. At the very least I want to be able to look back over my life and know I tried. I speak a lot about pride, and it can be a good and a bad thing. Many times, pride is used in a negative way but it also means being proud and confident in who you are and what you represent. Nevertheless, pride can become a bad thing when you won’t even try because your pride must not be criticized or rejected.

Same Shoes Different Human Multiple Directions

Many people have stood in my very shoes on this topic of free speech vs the underground world. Some forced into becoming people they never would have imagined and some finding a place where they feel accepted. I don’t hate any of these people. I still care. I remember your art. Although there may be pushbacks you can always turn back if you are not happy with the person you are becoming. This is your life.

Blue Pill Red Pill

The underground is backed by power and power loves no one. Instead of wanting to see people happy and thriving they only want rage on all sides. Today I remember the days when I first started to write. When I thought freedom was real. Therefore, thinking of all the great things I wanted to do with my art. I have done many great things with my art. Everything a person can do when it comes to being an inspiration to many. I may never receive recognition, but I know my impact is real in both world -s.

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June 6, 2025